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February 2nd, 2005
11:44 pm - audition workshop with daniel deraey
"relax in yourself'; revel in yourself. impress them with who you are"
'when you're ready for a teacher a teacher will be waiting at the door'
>. everyone around us could be our teacher
always be ready to respond to any types of questions at an audition.
Lead with your head and your emotional life will come wagging its tail behind you.
stupid people aren't stupid they just focus differently
attack or Explain which are you doing?
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11:41 pm - i am converting this
i am now making this a journal for directing notes and acting stuff... well perhaaps some poetry too
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August 7th, 2004
07:43 pm - strange place
I float in my uncharted territory
I explore a strange place
history surrounds me
in architecture's delight
I hear sweet music
I smell sweet salt
smoke is captured
it swims past the lights
shining from the building
I am suspended over water
The air caresses my face
I look out into the lighted darkness
and I can only wish that
you were with me in this magical place
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June 18th, 2004
02:47 am - bored in shakespeare class
Red rose petals flourish from my weakest fraction
A place not often spotted by the sun
Yet on the flip side I can see time
The flowers’ rouge is smeared across the white surface of which it ruptured
While the mellow yellow haze that dwells above me
Plasters my cocooned soul
Yearning to erase the crimson pearls that reside on my skin
I try to hit deeper
To evaporate the burn of 7 layer itch
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June 15th, 2004
04:29 am - cant sleep> its not finished but I am tired YEAH!
It’s a little past 4am and I am unable to fall asleep.
Clearly I’ve drank too much diet coke and
I can feel my heart pounding on my chest
I lie here waiting to fall into a deep slumber
And escape to a celestial thought and place
And yet I am wide eyed and wondering
My husband pillow is next to me and
I’ve built a barricade of pillows
I’m completely tucked into my fort of comfort
And yet I search for the pleasant thought
That will enable me to journey to a restful sleep
And only one enters my mind
I take a breath and yet still
I am unable to breath fully into night’s desired dream
If I were able to watch your chest rise
While you lay next to me
Taking in the oxygen from the atmosphere’s mist
That we would share
I would be able to close my eyes and drown in your presence
Knowing you hand could touch my cheek
And wipe away my tears from any nightmares that might find me
But eventually I will find sleep on this seemingly sleepless night
And I will awake tomorrow without a thought of you
Nor this fear of the absence of your body next to mine
And any thoughts that I actually missed you would be erased
my love does not expand to your far away place
because my passion is steered by your proximity.
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May 17th, 2004
02:02 am - my love
so in love...
with the idea of love
I dont believe
its really love
get me love?
do you love?
will you love?
i do love
i'm just not in love
with you my love
not anymore
do I feel love
for you my dear
sweet love
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May 15th, 2004
08:16 am
two steps in front of me
I reach out
two steps in front me
I don't feel your skin
two steps in front of me
I look at you
two steps in front of me
I grab on
upstairs dowstairs
left right
in multiple circles
lost on an adventure
once again
two steps in front of me
you finally look back
two steps in front of me
I lose you
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May 13th, 2004
04:57 am - manufactured doll
the perfect height
a small stature
add that to a
petite frame as well
cellphane skin
transparent
minus all
or any
imperfections
sweet lips
like cherry lifesavor
tinted with it color
flavored by its taste
a hot air balloon
i am the weight of helium
I would fly to the sky
you could lift me up
light as a feather
stiff as a board
like goldlocks
or cinderella
supermodel blond
not out of a bottle
I am not a production
i do not fit your perfect mold
and I will never be
nor want to be
your manufactured doll
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04:30 am - 4am good byes
a smile comes across my face
the thought of your chest rising
as you sleep next to me
filters through my mind
you question my smile
you search for the answer
within my eyes
and find the real me
hiding the true feelings
of my heart
you breath in
sing my favorite song
you breath again
as if it were a request
for me to join
i breathe
no sound surfaces
you take my hand
and guide my
soul to find the melody
as we sing in harmony
you smile
you look me in the eyes
place your hand on my cheek
as if to erase the invisable tear
from my face
place your lips
on that tearless cheek
say goodnight
and leave
never knowing how much
I'd want you to kiss me
somewhere else
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May 12th, 2004
12:59 pm - Spring clothes
Icicles hang on my windows
Large masses of wool
Engulf my body
I am preserved
Protected and
Hidden
The aroma of lemon
And sunshine
Fill the world
The wool becomes torn
Tangled, destroyed
And detached
Skin is bare
No longer swimming
In the massive material
Nothing can hide
I am exposed
Spring clothes
Are just reminders
Of things I need to do
Want to be or become
Feel and possess
Seasons change
A fresh start
They say
Become the
Perfect image
Recreation
New beginning
Is it that
Can it be?
Or is it just a saying
It is a vicious cycle
A melancholy reminder
Aspiring to unfold
Into the perfect flower
Where are the icicles?
Where is the cold?
Where is the snow?
The sleet
The rain
Give me the wool
Wrap me up in eternal joy
Hide me from
The dreaded point
Of bringing out
Spring clothes
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May 8th, 2004
01:09 am - sleepness' haze
rest my head
close my eyes
and land
in a different world
I could
turn my head
shut my eyes
and hide
in a different world
I could
hold my head
open my eyes
and see
in the real world
I could
I can't
and won't
I'd rather dream
I'd rather not see
then feel the pain
of what
I already know is true.
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May 7th, 2004
11:26 am - pillow
Tears on my pillow
the old cliche way
they say most girls cry
lie down dead
hungover, unrested
undesired, unwanted,
extremeties excrete
love's blood and pain
essentially requiring detox
from that thing
A severe sabatical
from that place
Needing to foget
that person
Unbearable to avoid
Uneasy to hate
comes down
what needs to be done
a diffuclt challenge
Lies ahead
it's one big leap
one big stretch
but it can be real
if permitted
close my eyes
jump, step, whatever way
I am able to fall
leave, hide
not recall
just how I felt
when he was my pillow
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May 2nd, 2004
11:07 pm - taking the idea out of my head
it's just another night of rain
some might call it a torrential pour
some might say it's a storm
some might call it an act from god
some might say it's a watery blizzard'
whatever it is I seem to neglect
the real true meaning behind the waters plunge
because the only thing that
I can even begin to think about
is you the dry desert in my heart...
a desert of frustration
that thirsts for love
but is left barron and unquenched by
your unrequitted love...
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April 26th, 2004
02:08 am - poetry 1
I lay in bed
Resting my head
Trying to fall asleep
Outside I hear the rain pouring down
As it hits the ground I take a breath in
Each sign of relief is a thought of you
Taping my heart as if it were the rain
Hitting the drainpipe
I close my window but
I can still hear the echo of the rainwater
Playing its song on my window’s pane.
I shut my eyes
Try not to listen
But I am only drowned
By the music of the rain
It’s melody is my love for you
It’s harmony is my hate.
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April 8th, 2004
07:46 pm - This is an old one....
Time Limit
You never seem to stop
Running through my head
Its almost like you are finally out
And from a distance you know
That I am not thinking of you so
You do something
So that you
stay in my mind
I hear your name
I cringe and vomit.
I do adore you.
I am strange.
I hear and see you
I smile.
You look at me
I glow.
You touch me
I shiver.
I hate time limits.
If I didn’t have a limit
You say
I wouldn’t want you to stay
8 minutes you say.
Then good night.
Good Night
You mean good morning
Its now 5 am
We sit in an odd shape
Gazing, speaking, laughing
Extending the limit.
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March 31st, 2004
04:25 pm - This is an old one....
I want to leave you
I want to forget you
I want to get away
I know its best to close my eyes and say goodbye
And then I cant and I don’t know
it makes me mad, sad, confused, and annoyed
you are still there with me
I smile but why
But really not here with me
I lose what bit of energy you give me
When you say her name I die
I fall asleep to forget
I don’t see you
I think I can do this
Say goodbye and all will be fine
I hear your voice
I debate, ponder, wonder, and question
Do I really need to avoid, leave, or abandon you
I hear your voice
You say what I want
you don’t call when you say you will
You have a sleepless night with some one else
I am jealous, annoyed, sad, frustrated
But this the breaking point this is okay.
This will help
This will enable
This is what I need
I will speak, hear, see, and feel you later
This I know
All will somehow be washed away
I will forget what I was thinking
And get lost up in your appeal
Well today is the last day
This is the last time you cannot capture me
I am leaving you
I am getting away
It is what I need
Good bye
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February 15th, 2004
08:25 am - This is an old one....
Under my skin
So obviously we’re are here again
The place where it began
Swimming in a menthol haze
Made to order in my case
We’re like five year olds
Bangin on sticky keys
Playing so freely
So cold we can’t feel our bodies
We step inside
We return to warmth
It rings you smile
In your eyes there’s a spark
Will you glow like that
when you hear my voice
In months to come
When I am gone
It feels like forever
Barely a quarter of a year has past
Yet time has flown by
And I am leaving you now
At last
I need a break
It’s too hard
I need to remove you
From under my skin
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